The WRONG way to fight an Alien

Seriously, what kind of bullshit alien hunter taught these kids how to fight extraterrestrials?

“Okay, there are two important things you need to know if you wanna fight aliens: one, nothing makes a more secure airlock than wooden blinds…and two, shining a flashlight on an alien is the closest thing they can experience to death. They fuckin’ hate it.”

“Oh, and uh…don’t tell your moms I was here, okay? Pantsless Carl’s gotta stay outta jail so he can go and teach some other kids about fightin’ mummies in the back of his van.”